“I don’t eat fucking hotdogs!”

August 28, 2008

Las Vegas was behind us…the long road to Phoenix was in front of us and a Wienerschnitzel was on the side.

“Wienerschnitzel!”  I cried out.  My nose was glued to the glass of the backwindow.

“What is that?”  Honey asked.  She turned towards me and looked at me with that “What the Hell” look.  You know the one I’m talking about…

Its a hot dog place, I explained.  Memories of Tuesday nights and $.33 chili dogs fill my head.  A road trip to Tucson just to get chili dogs before the first one opened in Phoenix came rushing back.  I let out a sigh and a smile came to my face.

“I don’t eat fucking hotdogs!” Honey blurted out.  The conversation my parents were having in the front seat stopped immediately.  The tension was thick in the air.  “Neither do I, Honey,” My Dad commented and then asked, “Do you eat normal ones?”  The worried look on Honey’s face washed away and the jokes came pouring out as my Dad asked if she wanted “fucking pizza or a fucking hamburger” for lunch.  I just shook my head.

Vegas was pretty good.  I lost $20 in gambling on a video poker machine.  My biggest gripe is the smoke in the casino/bars and the price of drinks.  I was paying $9 for Patron shots!

Nothing crazy happened, though I did do a few stupid things…and I didn’t get married, I know a few of you are dissapointed.  Honey made me go on this crazy roller coaster.  I thought I was going to die at least three times.

Overall, I had a good time.  I’m glad we went.


Viva Las Vegas!

August 23, 2008

I’m focused on the mountains in the distance.  Some unknown peak of some possibly unnamed range.  It moves slowly…my eyes are able to follow without much effort.  In the foreground, the standard findings of the desert…trees, cacti, washes, and I think that was a soda can…all pass by at an alarming pace.  Its funny how when you don’t focus your eyes on an object, it passes by much more quickly.  As I shift focus between the fore and background, this observation is proven.   I glance up to the front seat and can just make out the speedometer…75mph.  Maybe that’s why everything is going by so fast…

Our party to Vegas consists of my parents, both sitting in the front seat, Myself and Honey.  My Dad is driving at the moment.  Honey is sleeping in the backseat.  I glance back every few minutes just to make sure she is still here.  Sometimes, well, most of the time, I think she is a figment of my imagination.  An illusion caused by a missed dose of pills or maybe all of this just just a dream.  She swears to me that she is real…but how do I know?  I can’t shake the feeling that she will be out of my life in a few short days, quite possibly forever.  As hard as it will be, the only thing I can do is make the best of this trip with her.  In the end, things always do work out, don’t they?  Sometimes though, it takes some force to get what you want.

I brought my camera with me this time.  I most likely won’t upload them until I get back from Las Vegas though.  I might break down and buy a cable once I get to Vegas though.  *shrug*

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

August 21, 2008

As I reflect over the past two and a half years, so many emotions and memories come flooding into my mind.  I won’t pretend to say that they weren’t all great…there were some bad times.  However, those were necessary for me to grow and flourish during this time.  I have no regrets and if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I orginally wanted to write about some of my experiances in Hawaii.  As I was working on this daunting project and making very little progress…I realized that most were not stories that are able to be told.  They are emotions, they are feelings, they are thoughts that I had in my head at a particular place at a certain time.  I don’t know if its possible to retell them and give them the justice they deserve.

I have grown so much in these past two years.  I am so proud of where I am today and what I have accomplished as opposed to when I first got off the plane in Honolulu.  I can’t stress that I think drastic changes to your life…forcing yourself into uncomfortable positions is essential for growth.  Don’t be afraid to take a risk, to do something.  Make yourself happy.  Don’t be afraid to go upstream against society…bend the rules a little.  Henry David Thoreau said “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it”.  Am I telling you to drop out of school, quit your job or neglect responsibilities?  No…but I am telling you to refocus your priorities, to think about what you really want in life.  Those dreams you had when you were young.  Go after them.  The time you go after your dreams is not wasted.  The time you make excuses as to why you can’t have them is wasted.  Think about your life right now.  What are you proud of?  If a book was written about you…would anyone read it?  Would you read it?

I am not suggesting giving in to every whim.  But looking back on what I have done…I am more regretful of the things that I had a chance to do and didn’t then the things I did do.   The sad truth is, we all realize this.  Hollywood, authors and musicans all preach this everyday…yet we are content on merely listening to it…not living it.

I have so many good memories of Hawaii…

Beth and Marty…you have provided me with a family here in Hawaii.  Many, many of my memories of hawaii are centered around you two.  How many late, late night were spent discussing the fine art of fishing over your rum and cokes…or should I say ruuuuuuuuuum and cokes?  I was given a home here because of you and I will never forget that.

Yumi…do you remember one of the first nights I was here and we went out after Jen’s birthday party?  You took me to some party at the top of a building in Waikiki.  My first experiance on TheBus was with you…amazing that two years later I still think about that bus ride.  I was so drunk that night!  Don’t forget about Paris in a few years…because I won’t.

Nate…We were great friends before I came to Hawaii, and ultimately you came to Hawaii.   I think our relationship is stronger now because of your “vacation” out here.  I know your mom hates me, but I think it was a great thing for you.  African Penguins…who would have thought?

Dani…wow, what can I say?  Booze cruise and those fishbowls?  I don’t think I can ever forget breakfast at Jack in the Box.  Thank you for helping me keep my sanity.  I couldn’t have made it this far with out you.

Donnie…though your numerous trips here were motivated by other means…I appreciate that you came out.  We had some good times…and I think out here was one of the few times I have seen you really drunk.

Tracy…my beloved sister.  I know that I’ve been away from you for a while and I will be leaving you again soon, but please don’t think that I’m ever gone from you.  You are the most important person in my life and I would do anything I could for you.  I will always be there.  You have given me a shoulder to lean on when I didn’t think I could turn to anyone else.  I promise you anything you need…I’ll give you.

My parents…thank you for putting up with me.  I know that I ‘ve caused alot of sleepliess nights for you Mom and its Dad who has to deal with those.  I love you both and I promise that I’ll make you both proud of me someday.

I know I am missing many people…for those who I left out, please do not take offense.  Our times together are in my mind and they will never leave.  I wanted to leave a letter, my last one from me in Hawaii, to the most important person over the past two years.  This girl has changed my life forever and is very special to me.  I want her to know that I am leaving to give her the space she needs and I am here for her when she wants to be back in my arms.

Dearest Honey,

During the course of time that I’ve known you, my life has drastically changed.  I have tried to downplay your involvement, to minimize your role, but I am unable to make up excuses any longer.  Truth is Honey, I love you more than I ever thought possible…until tomorrow when I will love you even more.  Truth is Honey, I could be very happy with spending the rest of my life with you.  You are the only one I want to kiss, the only one whose skin I want to feel, the only one I want next to me.

Honey, we do belong together.  Our lives just make sense if we are walking down the same path together.  You can push me and I can push you.  Alone, we are two balloons each tied to a weight.  But tied together, we can lift each other higher and higher to those castles in the sky.

What am I trying to say?  I love you Honey.  I know what that word means and I know its how I feel about you.  When I think of Love, I think of you…you are the definition.  You are the missing piece to my puzzle.  No matter what I say or do, my puzzle will never look like the box picture without you.  This will be forever.  I’ve known enough girls to know how I feel when that one person comes along.  You bring living into life.

I know you are in the middle of making a decision.  I can only look you in the eye and ask for your heart.  My heart, my soul, everything I am, is already yours.  Tell me what else you want…

Honey, I love you.  Take that chance…take a walk with me.  I don’t know exactly where we are going…but I think its over there somewhere.

Thank you for changing my life.  You forced me to rethink how and most importanly, why, I am living.  You gave meaning and direction for me.  I am asking you continue being my guide.

Patiently yours forever and with all my love,


Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  My friends, do not think that I am leaving you.